


Out of her System

by zuppi



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Romance, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2016-07-13
Packaged: 2018-07-15 06:24:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7211564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zuppi/pseuds/zuppi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Touka can't stop thinking about Sasaki Haise. Nishiki suggests an unorthodox solution but will it help or make things worse?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back to torture our two favourite Ghouls. 
> 
> Set during Tokyo Ghould :re. No recent spoilers.

Touka sighs. She can see Haise hanging back as his squad gathers their things and readies to leave. She already knows how this will go. It seems like every time Haise comes to :re lately he finds reasons to converse with her. Obviously that’s more difficult when he’s here with his squad, but she thinks the slim short-haired one with the eye patch has picked up on what’s going on and he seems to find reasons to usher the others out in order to give Haise time alone with her.

The café is relatively quiet right now and she’s the only one serving so she can’t avoid him. Nishiki is sitting alone at the counter and she’s tempted to ask him to take Haise’s money, but she reasons that will only raise more eyebrows.

She watches Haise approach from the corner of her eye. He’s obviously nervous and Touka almost wants to slap him. He reminds her so much of _him_ when he acts like this.

“Em, hello?”

She takes a deep breath and turns to face him, her trade mark “Haise-smile” firmly in place. “Hello Sasaki-sensei. Was everything to your liking?”

He smiles at her but she thinks she seems him wilt a little at her formal tone. “Yes, thank you. Everything was great… as always.”

She bows her head a little as she rings up the bill but doesn’t try to engage him in conversation. It’s better that way.

He doesn’t take the hint. “So… eh, quiet recently?”

“A little.” She goes back to washing mugs. She can’t encourage him. “It’ll get busy soon enough with Christmas and winter festivals.”

“Ahh.” He drums his fingers on the counter. “You… eh, you’d probably want to take some time to do something fun before… before you’re too busy to take time off.”

She nearly drops her mug. Is he trying to ask her on a date? She’s not an idiot. It’s obvious he has a crush on her but she thought she had been subtle enough at dropping hints that she wasn’t interested. Clearly not. Her throat goes dry. No, no, no! She doesn’t want to hurt him but she cannot go on a date with this stranger wearing his face.

“Well,” She glances over her shoulder at him. God, he looks so hopeful. “I was looking forward to being able to… to relax… by myself.”

His face falls. “Ah.” He quickly regains his composure and smiles at her again. “Spending time alone can be fun too.” He looks embarrassed at the awkward recovery.

“Yeah.” She sighs. _Don’t encourage him._ “Have a nice day, Sasaki-sensei.”

“You too, Kirishima-san.” He gives her one last longing look before turning and leaving.

“I think I’m going to be sick.”

Touka rolls her eyes and glares at Nishiki. “Go away.”

“Can you not cut the guy some slack and actually let him ask you on a date before you reject him and destroy his soul?” Nishiki slides along the counter to mock her at a more convenient distance.

She pulls her hands out of the sink and dries them before rubbing her temples. “He was not going to ask me out.”

“Eh, I think at this point he’s ready to ask you to marry him.” Nishiki snickers at his own joke but becomes serious when he catches sight of the tears in her eyes. “Ehhh, sorry.”

She sighs and wipes her eyes. “Why does he keep coming here?!”

Nishiki sighs. “I think that’s pretty obvious.” He looks at Touka knowingly. “What’s more confusing to me is why you won’t just go out with the guy.”

Touka sighs and leans against the counter. “Nishiki-”

“Hear me out! He likes you, you like him… It’s not exactly rocket science.”

“I _don’t_ _know_ him.” She busies herself with making a coffee.

“I’ll have another.” Nishiki makes himself comfortable. “Seriously though, he seems the same to me. Well, not quite the same. He’s not nuts like Kaneki towards the end… he’s more like he was when he nearly killed me. Annoying. And nice. And polite.”

She hands him his coffee and sips her own to avoid commenting. He might seem the same but he wasn’t truly Kaneki, was he? “When I said he was better off out of the Ghoul world, I meant it.”

“How noble.” Nishiki mocks. “Just fuck him then.”

Touka chokes on her coffee. “ _What_?!”

“Seriously, you both look like you need to get it out of your system.”

She regains her composure. “You’re disgusting.”

“I’m telling you. One of the best remedies for this kind of love sick crap is actually having sex and realising how bad it is.”

Touka wrinkles her nose at him. “How bad?”

Nishiki pauses to sip his coffee. “Yeah, seriously, you’re both so awkward. You’ll do it once and all the magic will be gone.” He takes another sip. “And you’re both virgins, right? It’ll be awful.” He makes an obscene gesture and grins at her. “You’ll never see him again.”

Touka snorts in disgust. “Shut up, idiot.”

Nishiki grins.

 

* * *

 

 

Touka glances up as the bell rings.

“Ah, good evening Kirishima-san.” He stumbles over her name.

“Good evening Sasaki-sensei.” She feels her cheeks burn as Nishiki’s ‘suggestion’ comes front and centre in her mind. “The usual?”

“Yes. Thank you.” He takes a seat and pulls out some files.

Touka takes a deep breath as she prepares his coffee. _Don’t think about what stupid Nishiki said. The pervert has no idea what he’s talking about._ She hangs back a second hoping her blush will fade before she goes to his table.

He has files and note pads strewn across the table. He doesn’t hear her approach until she’s right at his side.

When he finally notices her he scrambles to make room for the cup. “Sorry, I’m not a very tidy worker.”

She smiles at him and puts the cup down. “Alone tonight, sensei?” She feels her heart race. Did that sound suggestive?

“Yes. Just me. We have a, eh, big day tomorrow. I need to concentrate.” He smiles sweetly at her.

She can feel her cheeks pink. She needs to leave. “Enjoy.”

She returns to the counter and tries to distract herself with arranging the flowers for tomorrow.

_Don’t think about what Nishiki said… Don’t think about what Nishiki said… Don’t think about what Nishiki said…_

She watches the minutes tick by. She didn’t think it was possible to dread his visits more than she had before but now that Nishiki put those perverted thoughts in her head it was impossible to be around Haise.

How on earth would having sex with him help? She was already so confused about her feelings for Kaneki, that would just complicate things, wouldn’t it? But what if Kaneki was really gone? She’d spent so much time missing him. Pining for him. When he stepped through the doors of :re all those months ago she thought she might faint… but then he hadn’t recognised her and it was like she had lost him all over again. Was Kaneki really gone? Forever?

She glances at the clock and starts, realising it was almost ten minutes after closing. She grabs the keys and makes her way to the door. After securing the door, she flips the sign and turns back toward the counter only to run into another body.

A cup clatters to the floor as Touka screams despite herself, shocked that someone was still in the café. She raises her fists and assumes a fighting stance before recognising Haise standing shocked before her. “Haise!” She flushes at her instinctual use of his given name.

“Pardon me, Kirishima-san!” He crouches and begins picking up the pieces of broken china from the floor.

“It’s ok.” She kneels next to him.

“That’s ok.” He tries to block her from picking up the broken cup. “Let me. I’m sorry I startled you.”

“It’s fine.” She begins gathering cup slivers. “It’s my own fault. I was distracted.” She inhales as a shard pierces her palm. Nothing happens for a fraction of a second, then a thin line of blood gathers at the wound before it begins to bleed heavily.

“Touka!” Haise gasps when he notices her stalling.

Despite herself she feels her stomach flip at his use of her name. “It’s ok. Don’t worry about it.” She examines the cut. It will heal in no time, quicker if she has something to eat.

“That looks pretty bad.” He moves forward and takes her hand in his.

She flushes crimson as he rubs her fingers gently while examining the cut. “I told you, it’s fine.”

“I think you should get it looked at in the hospital.” He looks at her earnestly.

“I get cuts like this all the time.” She pushes herself to her feet. “I can take care of it.”

“Well then,” He gets to his feet too. “Let me help. I have a lot of experience with first aid.”

She knows she should tell him to leave, that letting him help her is dangerous, but she finds herself agreeing to his offer.

She leans back against the counter as she directs him to the location of the first aid kit. He opens it next to her and holds his hand out for her.

She looks away from him as she lays her hand in his. He brings it close to his face to examine it and she bites her lip as she feels his breath ghosting across her palm.

“You might be right.” He dabs at the wound with a sterile swab. “It doesn’t look as bad as it looked initially.”

Touka hopes he doesn’t pick up on her ghoul healing abilities. She swallows, not knowing what to say. He’s so close to her, she can see the light freckles dusting his nose… his dark eye lashes. She forces herself to look away. “Good.” She winces at how thick her voice sounds.

Out of the corner of her eye she sees him glance at her. He swallows heavily. “It should be fine with just a bandage.”

He moves away momentarily to get some antiseptic cream. Gingerly, he wipes it across the wound. Touka tries to suppress a shiver as his finger lightly rubs along her palm. He moves again to grab a bandage before gently wrapping it around her hand. He turns her hand over to check on his handy work, then looks up at her, a soft smile on his face. “Done.”

Touka’s breath catches in her throat. He’s so close to her, holding her hand and gazing in her eyes. She should push him away… say something abrasive, but instead she finds herself leaning forward and pressing her lips against his.

Haise inhales sharply, freezing in place momentarily before dropping her hand to slip his around her waist.

Touka whimpers as he steps forward, pressing her back against the counter. Why the hell has she pushed him away for so long? She arches against him as he licks at her bottom lip. He cups her face with one hand as he deepens the kiss and Touka feels light-headed.

She presses her hands against his back, pulling him closer. Her injured hands stings but she ignores it as Haise pulls away from her lips and nuzzles her neck. Touka cannot suppress her moan and grinds against him, thrilling when she feels the distinct outline of his erection against her hip.

Haise inhales sharply, pulling back to rest his forehead against hers. He chuckles nervously. “Sorry, eh, I’m getting a bit carried away.”

Touka looks at him confused. “What?”

He gazes at her endearingly. “I promise I didn’t have any ulterior motives in coming here tonight. I really did have work to do.”

Touka sighs, her hands still pressed against his back. “I didn’t think you did.”

“I thought you weren’t interested.” He brushes her hair back and stares at her. “I’ve been trying to ask you out for ages.”

She feels her stomach drop. That’s not what this is supposed to be about. She’s just getting him out of her system.

She doesn’t know what to say so she just kisses him again. He hesitates for a second before kissing her back.

Her fingers tremble as she slides them along the waist band of his trousers. Haise inhales sharply, pressing her back against the counter and kissing her deeply. She is fumbling with his belt when he pulls back panting.

“We don’t have to…” He blushes looking down at her.

She rises on tip toes to kiss him again but he pulls back once more.

“Touka-”

“You’ve got a big mission tomorrow right?” She drags her lips along his neck. “We might not get another chance.”

Haise groans, dropping his head to kiss her again.

Touka sighs, all ridiculous talk now left behind, she returns her attention to his belt. Efficiently she opens it and then drags down the zip of his slacks.

He hisses in response, once again kissing and nipping at her neck.

Touka slides her hand against his length and thrills as Haise swears against her neck. She teases him once more, then ducks her hand inside his boxers. Haise pants against her neck. She strokes him twice before he slips his hands under her legs and lifts her onto the counter.

He kisses her messily as he glides his hands up her thighs. Touka squirms against him, trying to get more contact. He cups her with his palm and Touka throws her head back, banging it noisily against a cupboard. Haise sighs as he strokes her through her panties. Touka wraps her legs around his back, dragging him against her. He slips his hands under her ass, lifting her up so that he can pull her panties down. He steps back for a second to give them space to pull her underwear down her legs. Touka doesn’t care where they end up as Haise embraces her again. She pushes his slacks and boxers down and wraps her legs around him again. Touka groans as he presses against her.

“Touka-chan, are you sure?” He breathes into her ear.

The endearment nearly shocks her out of the whole situation but she’s already gone this far. She needs to prove to herself that this whole thing with him is just some bizarre messed up infatuation. She needs to scratch this itch and be done with it.

She doesn’t trust her voice to answer so she grabs his face to kiss him and arches against him.

He groans into her mouth, wrapping his arms around her back as he enters her. Touka inhales sharply. It hurts a little but she wants him too badly to care. Her shoes fall to the ground as she meets him thrust for thrust. She clutches at his back as she begins to feel a pressure build in her groin. Haise drops his head to her shoulder, clumsily kissing and licking at the bare skin.

Too quickly, Touka feels the pressure begin to peak. She can feel Haise losing control too. He slips one hand around her waist and the change in angle is too much for Touka. Her orgasm crashes over her and she cries out. “Ka-!” She bites her lip, quickly cutting herself off.

“Touka!” Haise grips her with an inhuman strength and shudders against her. “Oh fuck, Touka!”

They remain wrapped in each other as they recover. Haise trails kisses up and down her neck.

Touka is coming out of her lust fuelled haze. What the hell had she been thinking?

“You’re so beautiful.” He kisses her cheeks, brushing her hair back from her sweaty brow. “I’ve never met anyone like you before.”

Touka looks at him quizzically, unsure what to say. He’s looking at her expectantly so she kisses him to stall any response he expects from her. They just spent the past twenty minutes having sex but somehow this kiss feels more intimate. Haise holds her face gently and kisses her softly. She feels tears tingling in her eyes and squeezes them shut to stop herself from crying.

He presses his forehead against hers and strokes her face with his thumbs. “The first time I saw you…” He sighs. “I’d never seen someone so…” He laughs quietly. “It was like… like love at first sight.”

Touka inhales sharply. No, no, no! This was not supposed to be happening! It was just supposed to be sex. She doesn’t want to hear this from Haise, in Kaneki’s voice. He clearly feels her stiffen against him. She hears him struggle to continue. She sees him swallowing nervously.  

 “Haha, what, what I mean is… I… would like to spend more time with you.” He pulls back and looks her in the face.

Touka can see the fear in his eyes. He can tell something has shifted, that her barriers are going back up. She bites her lip.

They both jump when his phone suddenly shrills to life.

“I’m sorry.” He pulls away from her. “I really have to get that.” He pulls his phone out of his pocket and holds it against his face with his shoulder, freeing his hands to tuck himself back into his pants.

Touka slides down off the counter. She looks around for her panties finally spying them on the floor in front of the sink. She retrieves them and stuffs them in a pocket in her apron. By the time she stands back up he has finished his phone call and is putting his phone away.

“Sorry.” He shrugs. “Like I said, big day tomorrow.”

Touka smiles stiffly. “I won’t keep you.”

He frowns at her and she turns away from his sad eyes. “Do you… do you want to get coffee some time?”

Touka feels her heart race. This is not how this was supposed to go. “Em”

He moves behind her and runs his hand along her bare arm. Touka cannot supress her shiver. “It doesn’t have to be coffee. You’re probably sick of coffee. We could-”

“Ok.” She needs to get him out of the café and reflect. He fills her mind too much and she can’t think straight.

 He slips his hand into hers and squeezes. “Great.”

Touka glances back at him and cannot help but smile, even as her heart aches.

“Can I get your number then?” He looks so innocent and sweet.

She knows she should give him a fake number but she finds herself writing her own one anyway. He takes the paper from her grinning.

She needs to unlock the door, so she walks him out. He almost forgets his papers and has to go back to pack them up. He chatters nervously the whole time, not seeming to notice how quiet Touka is.

Finally, he is ready to leave. He stands in the doorway awkwardly, looking down at her. Touka looks up at him shyly, despite the deeds of not twenty minutes ago. He bites his lip, then leans down to kiss her cheek. He moves back slightly and gazes at her again before kissing her softly on the lips.

“So, I can call you then?” He brushes the hair from her face so gently.

She looks back at him and lies. “Yes.”

 

 

 


	2. Scratch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Touka tries to avoid Haise but that's easier said than done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in getting this short chapter out. It's been a busy couple of weeks.

Touka wakes after a fretful night. Her dreams were filled with Kaneki with white and black hair and Haise’s shy smile and his soft lips. She runs her palm over her face, not really believing what happened the night before. The bandage on her hand reminds her of her own foolishness.

She glances at her phone and sees no new notifications.

Good.

That’s for the best.

She gets up and showers, hoping to wash away all traces of him.

It’s her day off but she knows she’ll go stir crazy if she hangs around in her apartment, so she makes herself presentable and goes downstairs to help Yomo.

She purposely leaves her phone in her apartment.

Yomo’s not surprised to see her (she lives above the café after all) but he is surprised when she dons an apron and begins tending to customers.

“Isn’t it your day off?” He enquires as she begins preparing a round of coffee for a table of students.

“I was bored.” She tries to stall any more conversation.

“Hoping your admirer will come in?”

She blushes, turning to find Nishiki grinning at her from the counter. “Don’t you have a home to go to?”

He turns up his nose at her. “What kind of way is that to talk to a customer?”

Touka snorts. “You drink twice as much coffee as you ever pay for.” She gathers her tray of coffees and tends to her table, not wanting to engage Nishiki in any more conversation on the matter of Haise.

She sets the group’s coffees down and smiles at them pleasantly before her attention is drawn to the small television in the corner. She hadn’t liked the idea but Yomo said it would be necessary to keep up-to-date on CCG movements. The sound is off but the streaming text tells her all she needs to know about the scene being filmed from a helicopter; a large CCG raid is being undertaken two wards over. The entire area is in lock down.

Her stomach does a funny flip. So this was the ‘big day’. She finds herself wondering if he’s ok… then frowns at herself for caring. She doesn’t even know him. And he’s a Dove. She hates Doves.

The shop quietens to a lull in the mid-afternoon and Yomo tries to convince her to go enjoy her day off. Instead she decides this is the perfect opportunity to re-organise the dry store. This takes up the rest of the afternoon and sometime after closing. Yomo brings her a couple of cups of coffee throughout the afternoon. Each time he stands and watches her working for a few minutes. The second time he asked if she was ok. She insisted she was and he didn’t press the point. Yomo respects other people’s boundaries. One of the many things she appreciates about him.

By the time she is finished she is exhausted. She climbs the stairs to her apartment and collapses on her couch as soon as she is inside. Disgusted at herself, she glances at her phone.

No new notifications.

_Good._

 

* * *

 

 

Touka is startled awake by her phone vibrating noisily on the coffee table. Did she really sleep all night on the couch? She peers down at it and sees a number she doesn’t recognise.

Is it him?

She curls her legs under her and watches the phone flash and vibrate across the table until whomever is on the other end gives up. She sighs deeply once the phone goes quiet only to be startled a moment later when it springs to life with an SMS notification.

Frowning, she picks it up and opens the message.

“Good morning Touka-chan. I hope I didn’t wake you. Haise”

Her palms are clammy. What should she do?

Considering she works in a coffee shop she assumes she is generally up before him. It wasn’t an obscenely early time to call either. She glances at the clock. She should really get a move on if she wants to be on time for the pre-work rush… but what if _he’s_ planning on coming in?! Is that why he called? Though, she did tell him he could call her… maybe it’s just that?

She rubs her face with one hand. She can’t face him! She’s still too embarrassed and she doesn’t know how to tell him she’s not interested in pursuing… something.

She quickly writes an SMS to Yomo indicating she’s got a headache and will be late. He replies swiftly, telling her to take the day off entirely if she’s not feeling well. She doesn’t bother responding. Haise rarely comes in during the mid-morning to mid-afternoon so she should be fine soon enough. She’ll figure out the rest later.

She navigates back to Haise’s message and selects “delete”. Her thumb hovers over the “confirm” option but she simply stares at the message and does nothing. In the end she leaves his message alone. She tells herself it’s so that she knows what his number is in case he rings again.

 

* * *

 

 

The morning goes by relatively quickly. Yomo seems surprised to see her and tries to convince her to take the day off but she shrugs off his concerns and keeps herself busy. He’s still worried when his shifts ends but she assures him she’s perfectly fine to see the day out by herself.

It’s late afternoon and she’s cleaning the espresso machine when he finally comes in. She looks into the mirrored surface of the machine when she hears the bell ring and spies him before he sees her. He’s with his usual group. He seems at ease but she’s troubled by him rubbing his chin. Or was that only Kaneki’s tell? He finishes taking off his coat and looks around the café.

Her heart leaps into her mouth and before she can think she ducks behind the fridge and hides.

“Hey!” She hisses at Nishiki.

He’s sitting at the counter as usual, reading some pharmacology book. He looks up at her hushed whisper, a confused look on his face. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Shush!” She keeps her voice low. “Come here.”

He regards her like one would a raving lunatic on the street but leaves his seat and approaches her hiding place nonetheless. “What are you at?”

“Please serve for the next half an hour!” She pleads with him.

“What?!” He gapes. “No way! I didn’t like doing that crap at Anteiku, I’m not doing it here.” He snorts. “For free.”

“Please Nishiki!” She glances around the corner but she can’t see Haise or his group. Surely they will start wondering what’s going on and come looking for a server soon. “I’ll give you free coffee for a week.”

He looks down his nose at her. “A week? You must be joking.” He turns to return to his seat.

She grabs him harshly by the arm. “Ok, a month then. Please!”

He rolls his eyes dramatically. “Fine! But I’m not being fake nice to people like you.”

“Thanks!” She shoves her notebook into his hand and runs behind the backroom door as she hears someone approach.

“What do you want?” Nishiki wasn’t lying when he said he wouldn’t be nice.

“Eh, hello.”

She cringes, recognising Haise’s voice.

“So?” Nishiki sounds rude and impatient.

“Two lattes, a cappuccino and an Americano please.” Haise sounds polite as always.

“I’ll drop them down.” She can hear Nishiki move about behind the counter. “Is there something else?”

“Em, is Kirishima-san working today?”

Touka’s pulse races.  

There’s a long pause and she fears Nishiki might actually tell the truth but he mumbles “No, she’s not.” just before he turns on the bean grinder.

 

Touka’s rear is sore from sitting on the floor by the time Nishiki pushes the door open and peers inside.

“He’s gone.”

Touka gets to her feet and straightens her dress. “Thanks.”

“What the hell was that all about?” Nishiki leans against the counter.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Touka tries to hide her blush behind a curtain of hair.

“Tough.” Nishiki makes himself comfortable at the counter. “And get started on those free coffees too.”

 

* * *

 

It’s been over two weeks since ‘that night’ in the coffee house.

He sent her one more message.

“Still interested in that coffee?”

She didn’t respond and he seemed to get the message.

He didn’t come back to :re either and she tells herself that is for the best. It’s not like she misses him or anything.

She tries not to think of him but that is difficult as she waits in line to get the latest Takatsuki Sen book. She’s known about the signing for some time now but only decided to go along earlier this morning. She was afraid she’d see him here but another part of her desperately wanted to catch a glimpse of him again… Was that why she’d come? Kaneki had loved Takatsuki Sen but did Haise? He seemed interested in her books at :re…

She sighs, massaging her temples. This was a pointless endeavour. She’d already decided on her course of action with Haise. She was pretending the whole thing didn’t happen. He seemed to have got the hint too and he’d left her alone. It was all for the best.

She is startled out of her inner turmoil by the arrival of a large group of women. They looked to be her age, or perhaps a little younger. They seem friendly and chat animatedly among themselves. Touka sighs, humans could be so carefree.

“Another female fan of Takatsuki Sen, I see!”

Touka is drawn out of her thoughts by one of the closer girls. “Eh, yes.”

“So many guys think girls aren’t into her works because they’re so creepy!” The girl beams at her. She is slightly rotund with a pretty, cheerful face.

Touka smiles back at her, flattered by her friendliness. “Haha, I suppose.” Ghouls and humans had different definitions of creepy.

“Hey Mika, have you heard from Hitomi?” One of the girls towards the back of the group moves towards them.

Touka inhales sharply as this reveals Haise standing patiently behind the group of girls.

Before she has a chance to hide behind the group between them Haise notices her. “Ah Touka, I… I didn’t expect to see you here.” He blushes brightly, scratching the back of his neck nervously.

“Oh you guys know each other?!” The plump girl looks between Touka and Haise. “Go ahead!” She moves to Haise’s side and ushers him forward in line so that he stood next to Touka.

Haise looks mortified but unable to decline. He is still crimson as he stands next to her. “Hi.”

Touka clutches her book tightly. “Hello.”

 Well she knows for sure now… the part of her that had wanted to see him was clearly the stupidest part of her.

“You… you’ve been well?” He glances at her out of the corner of his eye but looks away quickly.

“Yes. Thank you.” She chews on her lip. “You?”

“Very well. You?” He seems to inquire instinctively, wincing once he realises he’s repeated himself.

Touka can’t help but smile at his awkwardness but she is thankful for the arrival of Takatsuki Sen to distract them both from further conversation.

They queue in painfully awkward silence. Although they were not far back in the line for Touka it felt like an eternity before she was finally before the author.

Takatsuki Sen looked dishevelled as always. She chatted pleasantly with Touka as she sighed her book and wished her happy reading. Touka thanks her and immediately rushes out of the bookshop, trying to put as much distance between her and Haise as possible.

“Hey! Don’t you want your book signed?”

Touka glances back as Takatsuki Sen calls out to Haise. He is striding towards her.

She makes her way out of the bookshop, down the main street and into a small park before he manages to catch up with her.

“Touka!”

She sighs, stopping but not turning to face him. She thought he could take a hint. Obviously not.

“I… I’m sorry.” He sounds confused and unsure.

She snorts, turning back to him. “For what?”

He looks at her, brow furrowed in confusion, but doesn’t answer.

Touka sighs and turns to leave again.

“I meant what I said.”

She freezes in place. _It was like… like love at first sight._ “You don’t even know me.”

“I know… but _he_ did… didn’t he?”

Touka pivots to face him, confusion marring her features.

“My feelings… are mixed up with his, I think. You two… your history…” Haise slowly walks toward her, his voice thick with emotion.

She cuts him off, angry. “We didn’t have a history. Not like you’re implying.”

Haise looks down at her, confused. “I don’t believe you.”

Touka laughs humourlessly. “I don’t care.”

Haise swallows, obviously struggling to find the right words. “Please, just give me-”

“Who are you?” She searches his face, furious at herself as she feels tears sting her eyes. “Really?”

Haise looks away, a painful expression on his face. “I… ah a person is made up of memories. I don’t know anything about him. I’m-”

Touka sighs and turns to leave. She can’t listen to this. It hurts too much.

“Touka please!” He clutches her gently by the arm and she hates herself as she feels her body thrill in response. “There’s… I…” He’s babbling, inarticulate. “Can’t… can’t we…”

She looks at him mournfully, shaking her head.

When she moves away from him this time he doesn’t try to stop her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moving on is easier said than done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so the torture continues.

The music is far too loud. Touka strains to hear Nishiki but she can only make out one word in five and he’s slurring his speech so badly she can barely understand what she does hear. Something about Kimi and love and how it’s all crap and they’re better off without them… She doesn’t really listen, opting to down her shot instead.

Like all human food it tastes absolutely foul but she’s enjoying the pleasant buzz in her head. Looking at the grimaces on the faces of the humans gathered at the bar it doesn’t appear they enjoy the taste much more than she does.

She looks around for Uta and Itori but they vanished almost as soon as they got to the club. She’s not unhappy. She’s annoyed enough that Nishiki dragged her out again tonight.

“I’m sick of your ridiculous moping!” He had decided one afternoon in the coffee shop. He had pestered her until she disclosed what had happened between her and Haise. Initially he seemed weirdly proud of her but as she obviously struggled to put the incident behind her he had become frustrated. “The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.”

She hadn’t been enthusiastic about taking dating advice from him considering how the last time went. She had voiced this to him but he had waved her off, calling up Uta and Itori before she could stop him. Nishiki had at least enough tact to keep the reason for their ‘piss up’ quiet.

And somehow this had become a regular thing. The four of them would have a few Ghoul friendly drinks at :re before heading to some random club or other. Touka always said that time would be her last but a few days later she’d find her thoughts wandering to the subject of Haise and she’d find herself craving the numbing effects of alcohol.  

Nishiki notices her drink is empty and signals the barman for another round. “Seriously though Touka, you’re better off.” He ruffles her hair. “Kaneki’s an idiot. Just find some nice normal Ghoul who isn’t trying to get himself killed or save the world or whatever the fuck he’s doing these days.”

“Thanks.” She rolls her eyes, eagerly accepting the vodka shot put before her. Steeling herself, she swallows it quickly wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. “I need to use the bathroom.”

Nishiki nods, his attention turning to scan the dancefloor.

She makes her way through the sea of bodies. A few guys try to get handsy with her but a glare or (for the really daring) a Ghoul strengthened death grip is enough to discourage them. She turns a corner and bumps straight into the thin eyepatch Dove.

“Ah Kirishima-san!” He looks shocked to see her here, glancing behind him.

Touka follows his gaze and is not surprised to see the rest of the group. Haise is at the back chatting happily to the fierce looking squad member. Shirazu, was it?

Haise and Shirazu stop quickly when they notice the group has stopped moving. The grin drops from Haise’s face as he recognises Touka. He quickly covers his shock, an uneasy smile replacing his previous carefree face.

“Touka-chan!” Touka is startled as the plump one (Saiko?) grips her hands. “What are you doing here?” The girl looks more than tipsy, her face flushed and her eyes wandering.

Touka can’t help but laugh. This girl rarely shows up at :re so it seems bizarre she is being so familiar. “I’m out with friends.”

“Come dance with us!” Saiko pulls Touka closer. “Sassan likes you! You should dance with him! I know he’s shy and dorky but he’s the best!” She whispers conspiratorially in Touka’s ear.

Touka blushes and cannot help but glance at Haise. He looks concerned at whatever is passing between the two women and steps forward.

“Saiko, stop annoying Kirishima-san.” He pulls on one of the short girl’s pigtails.

“I’m not annoying you, am I?” She looks indignant and folds her hands over her chest.

“Come on, Saiko. Let’s get a drink.”  Mutsuki takes Saiko by the elbow and guides her away from Touka and Haise. Touka cannot help but notice the significant look the thin Dove gives Haise. The two other boys follow Saiko and Mutsuki to the bar, the ginger one grinning stupidly at Haise.

For his part, Haise seems embarrassed by the less than subtle actions of his squad. “Sorry about them.” He looks lost for words. “Em, I didn’t know you would be here. It’s Mutsuki’s birthday and Saiko decided we should come out dancing.” He swallows, looking around. “I don’t really like nightclubs.”

“No, me neither.” Touka tucks a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “My friends kinda dragged me out too.”

Haise finally makes eye contact with her and she can clearly see the longing in his eyes. She fears her eyes look the same so she looks away. She can’t help wanting him. He’s been worrying his lips and they look pink and slightly swollen. She wants to reach out and touch him so badly… to kiss him again, to feel him pressed against her.

She swallows, pushing those thoughts away. “I should get back to my friends.”

He nods, sighing. “Yeah, me too.”

She glances back at him and she almost gives in. He looks so handsome and shy. It takes all her resolve to step around him and continue to the bathroom.

  

* * *

 

 

Nishiki doesn’t seem to have missed her, or he doesn’t comment on her long absence. She tries to stop her eyes from wandering around the nightclub. She orders them another round and tries to occupy her thoughts with Nishiki’s drunken ramblings.

They get through a few more rounds before Touka excuses herself to use the bathroom again. When she comes back Nishiki is gone. She looks around but is not surprised to see him on the dancefloor with some pretty brunette. Touka rolls her eyes. He definitely has a type. Annoyed at herself, she looks around for Haise. She tells herself she just wants to know where he is. She tries to pretend she’s not disappointed when she doesn’t locate him. She scans the room for Uta and Itori but seeing neither she decides to call it a night.

She jumps down from her seat and stumbles a little. Perhaps she is drunker than she thought. Straightening up, she makes her way towards the exit. She turns down the dark hallway that leads to the cloakroom and crashes into something warm and solid. She steps back unsteadily, tensing slightly when the person before her gently put their hands on her upper arms.

“Are you ok, Touka?”

She looks up to find Haise frowning down at her. He is so close. She can smell the scent of his fresh soap. “I’m fine.” She sighs, tossing her hair back with a shake of her head. “Thank you.”

He follows her movement, swallowing heavily.

She watches his Adam’s apple bob in his throat and it’s all she can do to stop herself from licking it.

“You’re leaving?” His voice is husky as he leans into her slightly. He seems to also be unsteady on his feet and she can detect a slight scent of alcohol on his breath.

“I’m bored.” She finds her fingers reaching out for his shirt, finds herself pitching towards him.

He sighs, biting his lip. “Me too.”

Touka stares up at him. She’s not even thinking but she finds herself stretching on tip toes to reach him. He is clearly feeling the same because the last thing she sees before she closes her eyes is him leaning down to meet her. She whimpers when she feels his lips on hers, her tenuous grip on his shirt becoming urgent and desperate.

They stumble backwards, groaning loudly when Touka’s back eventually collides with the wall of the hallway. He presses her against the wall, one arm around her waist, the other cupping her face. The last vestiges of Touka’s sober mind are screaming at her that this should not be happening but she wants him too badly to pay them any mind.

She clutches at his waist, pulling him against her as he kisses her deeply. She sighs deeply as he moves his attention from her lips and begins to nip at her neck. “Do you live far from here?” Her voice is deep with lust.

He pulls back to look at her, his pupils dilated. He doesn’t seem to trust his voice, shaking his head in answer.

She kisses him forcefully before pulling back. “Let’s get out of here.”

They somehow maintain their composure long enough to retrieve their jackets but as soon as they enter the empty elevator they fall upon each other once more, pushing apart only when they door ‘dings’ open.

The walk to Haise’s place takes longer than Touka anticipated but only because they stop so often to push each other against walls and alcoves. The December air is cold against Touka’s flushed face and she desperately wants to feel Haise’s bare skin against her own, but she cannot resist every time he stops to kiss her.

Eventually they make it to what she presumes is Haise’s house. The building is huge but she doesn’t have much time to take it in. Haise unlocks the door and steps aside to allow her to enter. As soon as he closes the door she presses against him, reaching up to kiss him again. He pushes her coat off, dropping it unceremoniously on the floor. He nudges her in the direction of the stairs and clumsily they ascend two flights. He guides her towards one of the rooms, fumbling with the door handle for a second before it opens and they stumble inside.

Once inside the room, Haise wastes no time in pulling at her clothing. She follows suit, gripping his shirt and pulling it free of his slacks. He directs her towards the bed in the corner, pulling her top up and over her head before they reach it.

Touka’s calves collide with the bed and she pitches backwards, pulling Haise with her. She giggles as he lands on her, surprised at the sudden change in position. Haise smiles down at her and she feels her heart skip a beat at the adoring look on his face. He looks like he’s going to say something so she kisses him instead, returning her attention to his shirt. She fumbles with the buttons, sighing when she eventually succeeds at opening it fully. He helps her remove it and then turns his attention to her bra. He curses under his breath as he struggles with the clasps and Touka finds herself laughing once more. After a few more unsuccessful attempts, Touka pushes him back and undoes the clasps herself.

“Thanks.” Haise presses his forehead against hers before leaning down to kiss her. He snakes his hands up her arms and hooks his fingers in her bra straps, leaning away from her momentarily to remove it completely.

He kisses her deeply and she arches against him, thrilling at the feel of his bare skin against hers. He trails kisses down her jaw and neck as Touka buries her fingers in his soft hair. His hands snake up her waist and gently caress her breasts. Touka cannot help but whimper, squirming against him. Haise kisses across her breastbone, hesitating for a second before taking a pebbled nipple in his mouth. Touka arches against him, crying out. He turns his attention to the other breast, Touka sighing and whimpering as her desire grows.

Haise begins trailing kisses down her toned stomach, his hands gliding around her back to slip down the zip of her skirt. He glances up at her seemingly seeking permission as he begins to pull the garment down her legs. Touka raises her rear in acquiescence. Haise leans back and raises one of her legs and then the other, removing her shoes and dropping them on the floor. Her stockings quickly follow before Haise falls against her. He returns his attention to her stomach, ghosting kisses lower and lower.

Touka moans as he kisses and nips along the waist band of her panties. She twists the sheets as he lightly caresses her thighs, gently pushing them apart. She obliges him by lifting her rear as he begins to pull her panties down her legs. She is a little embarrassed at her nakedness as Haise leans back to look at her.

He shakes his head, leaning forward and sighing against her taut stomach. “You’re so beautiful.” He moves lower, sucking gently on the delicate flesh of her inner thigh.

Touka groans loudly as the action sends shivers directly to her core.

Haise teases her some more, nipping and sucking on her inner thighs before eventually turning his attention to her neglected sex. She whimpers loudly as he draws his tongue against her. Touka buries her hands in his hair as he licks and sucks on her clit. He slips first one finger, then another inside her creating an almost unbearable rhythm in tandem with his mouth. Touka feels the pressure beginning to build and she can scarcely remain still. She writhes against him, caressing his hair and moaning loudly.

“Haise!” She gasps… so close. “Haise, I’m, I’m.” She’s incoherent with lust as her orgasm suddenly crashes over her. She arches off the bed, calling out loudly.

Haise continues to lick her and she has to push him away as she becomes overwhelmed with sensation.

He kisses his way up her body, nuzzling her neck before kissing her deeply. Touka tastes herself on him. She lightly scrapes her fingers down his muscular torso, deftly opening his belt and unzipping his slacks. Haise leans back to assist her pushing them down over his hips, taking over and kicking his slacks and then his boxers off completely. Touka hears his shoes fall to the floor.

Haise turns back to her, kissing her deeply as he rolls to lie on top of her.

It takes all her mental strength to pull back from him. “Do you have protection?” She prays he says he does because she’s not sure her drunken mind has enough fortitude to stop if he doesn’t.

He looks worried for a split second then quickly disappears from view. He returns swiftly, fumbling with a small packet when he does. “Saiko got me these as a ‘present’ ages ago. I’ll-”

She silences him with a finger to the lips then kisses him again. He returns the kiss sloppily as he continues to fumble with the condom. Once sorted, he slips his arms around her again and pushes her back into the bed. She grinds against him, impatient to feel him inside her. Haise steels himself against her, groaning as he enters her. Touka arches against him, wrapping her legs around his waist. They quickly fall into a rhythm and Touka begins to feel the pleasurable pressure build in her groin again. She grinds against him, meeting him thrust for thrust desperate to feel her release again.

Haise pants against her neck, one arm braced against her head the other slipped around her waist and gripping her tightly. She can feel him begin to lose control. She wraps her legs tighter against his waist, gasping as the change in angle threatens to tip her over the edge. Haise whimpers, his pace picking up and suddenly she’s peaking, she’s coming and she cries out loudly in ecstasy.

Haise gasps her name and comes moments later.

They lie a tangle of limbs for some time after.

Haise strokes her arm, sighing contentedly. “I should… sort things.” He looks down at her.

Touka nods at him.

Haise rolls over and busies himself with cleaning up.

Touka sighs and sits up. She runs her fingers through her hair then stands up and begins to retrieve her clothes.

Haise does not notice immediately, but once he is finished with his activities she hears him pause as he turns back to her.

“What are you… Are you getting dressed?” He sounds confused.

“I should go.” Touka doesn’t look at him as she pulls up her panties.

“It’s two thirty in the morning.”

Touka doesn’t respond and continues to dress.

“I thought…” Haise begins but doesn’t go on.

Touka looks around for her jacket, remembering eventually that it is on the floor downstairs. She avoids looking at him as she makes to leave the bedroom.

She is surprised by Haise opening the door for her. He has pulled on what seem to be a pair of pyjama pants.

“Thanks.” She squeezes past him, consciously avoiding touching him.

He follows her down the stairs. When Touka bends down to pick up her jacket, Haise helps her put it on. She sighs, moving quickly to the door.

“Touka.” Haise sounds broken.

“Nothing has changed.” She can’t look at him.

He moves closer to her, resting his forehead against the nape of her neck. His fingers lightly caress hers. “No, it hasn’t.” He sighs.

Touka turns the door handle and Haise steps back allowing her to leave. She can’t help but glance back at him but he is staring at the floor and doesn’t see.

Swallowing past the thick lump in her throat, she steps out into the cold night.

**Author's Note:**

> More torture to come... #thatshowIroll


End file.
